|I love this time of year. With the season changes the Uggs come out. With the season change, I’ve been in Hermit mode.|
Soul searching and digging deep. I’m at a cross roads in my life and I am faced with one of the biggest decisions of my life. Which is going to impact the next 10 years or more. So I’m doing a lot of soul searching. ps.. if you are an Aries it’s likely you too are facing some pretty big decisions. A fork in the road. Do I turn left or right? I’ve asked for guidance what will be for my highest good and the truth is both paths will be but they will both give me something entirely different.
I hadn’t planned on sharing this but I met a guy (my now partner) a few years ago. We were friends for many years, we tried to have a relationship but I was never ready for commitment. Never ready for the whole moving in together. I was a bit lost for a while. Give me someone else’s life to sort out. .. I’m great at it. My own that’s another story when it comes to the relationship front. But right now I’m faced with the decision do I move in or do I move to London, to the big city again. My heart is being called in two directions.
In a former life (actually this one), I was with a guy for many years we did live together but life had other plans. So we went our separate ways. But without going into the details which I’m sure being a woman you will know exactly what I’m talking about, through this relationship I lost my trust in men for a very long time. I tarnished them all with the same brush.
This was a big milestone in my life. And it has to be said, I had to kiss a few more frogs after him. One guy, my Mr big assignment, was a trader in London. He was a simple player. But that experience taught me a lot. How I was not loving myself. How I didn’t have strong enough boundaries. He was off collecting his jar of hearts, (you know the type). Thankfully I pulled the out of jail card on that one.
This experience left me feeling very disconnected from myself, lost, going through the emotions of loneliness, grief and despair. They say things come in three’s well they did. I lost my dear nan at the time too. She had always been a rock in my life. And my west highland terrier, Molly. She was my companion.
I entered the dark nights of the soul. Had I off been armed with what I now know, I would have navigated through whole experience, very differently. That said it’s these exact experiences that teach us and enable us to grow spiritually and of course for myself to be a guide and teacher for women today.
But back then, I bought 3 tickets and took off on my own self love affair to find out who I was becoming. Who I wanted to be.
And slowly I did… first with Thailand, then with the South of France, skiing and snowboarding through the winter season, and then lastly with Bali, (of course). I was on the trail of eat pray love – my own kind, but that love was one for myself. The last thing I needed at the time was another man in my life.
I learned a lot, I learned how to trust my intuition, I learned that when we are surrounded by too much noise, (stuck in the chaos of life experiences) sometimes we have to remove ourselves and do something completely different. To recalibrate. To give our energy the time and space to cleanse and refuel, to once again fill up our own inner well, so we can see clearly.
When the hermit stage of life shows up, when the void or the fog, or confusion hits, or you hit rock bottom for one reason or another. Know it’s all happening perfectly. It’s happening for you not to you. The chaos will crack you wide open so more light can get in, it’s through the chaos you will rise again, stronger, fiercer and more turned on by life.
So when you find yourself in the hermit stage, embrace it, then celebrate it. You’re exactly where you need to be right now. Be okay with it. It’s here to teach you so much about yourself and to give you the time you need. To go through this rebirth. Just know that on the other side of this is the breakthrough. A new life.
That’s where I have been over the last few weeks. In the hermit stage. Soul searching where do I want to direct the course of my life, the next chapter. Listening for guidance. I’ve been drinking in the silence, the walks in the woods with Milo my fur baby. The me time. The nights in by myself pondering, watching sex in the city again, yes the whole series. And looking for inspiration in light hearted movies. Just to keep my vibration high. And trying to stay present with the experience. What do I want now?
Both paths are so different.
The chaos cracked me open, the Hermit let me breath…
November 26, 2019